Last night I happened upon the PBS Front Line program “All of Me” by Independent Lens. I was fascinated by the sociological and psychological
implications of losing weight, particularly of obese and morbidly obese women
that were featured.
An important part of the conversation was about acceptance
of fat. One of the women said something to the effect of, “We came together as
fat girls/fat women.” But then the documentary goes on to show how the women
changed towards each other after weight loss surgery and the challenging effects
of shifting perceptions of the self on the group.
(Venus of Willendorf)
One of my close relatives is into the BBW (Big Beautiful
Women) scene. He prefers his women super-sized. He came to where I live to be with a woman that had to be in the mid 400 pound range. She was not a happy
camper but he certainly was.
The women in the PBS documentary talk about their relationship
to men, the power fat has over certain men and the fetishes some men have for
having very large women sit on them, dance with them and even eat in front of
them. These men, like my relative, are willing to travel great distances and
spend a lot of cash, to meet up with and hook up with BBWs.
The documentary centers on the Austin Chapter of the National
Association for the Acceptance of Fat Association (NAAFA). This is both a fun
organization with local chapters and national conventions, and a form of
activism, as its name implies.
Then too, there is former plus-sized model, Dawn, who had the
persona of Bridget in some kinky publications who reveled in her past.
The statements said or shown that struck me the most,
besides the title of this post were:
- Losing lots of weight would take me into a new area I've never been since childhood, decades ago.
- People think those that are overweight have character flaws; we all do, ours are just more apparent. (Judy)
- People think we are slobs, dirty and lazy.
- Losing weight means losing the image you and the people you associate with love.
- Accept me for who I am.
- And finally, just because you have a lap band, doesn't mean you can’t gain weight again.
(Mujer Obesa by Botero)
I saw Szalynn from this documentary before. I believe it was
on “My 600 Pound Life” but it may have also been on Dr. Oz, talking about her
acceptance of her super-size. Her story makes me the saddest because she has a
young child that loves her so much and an abusive, enabling husband, from all
appearances, if memory serves me correctly. While planning for her weight loss surgery, she actually gained
quite a bit of weight—I've been there (in terms of planning a diet) and done
that (gained weight in the process).
I am not judging these women that are in BBW groups like
NAAFA. A while back, I was approved for weight loss surgery but decided to lose
it myself without surgery. I have also spent decades in self-acceptance mode,
loving my food while at the same time accepting how fat it made me.
What I keyed into the most was the spiritual and mental
implications of being overweight. For me, that always trumps the body in the
weight loss conversation. I can’t speak for being morbidly obese because I
haven’t been there but I just officially went under the BMI that is called
obese, so I do know something about that.
What happened people may ask? Something gets broken inside.
I know this all too well. It is often, but not always, caused by childhood
trauma of one sort or another.
Rather than simply cutting, whether it is calories or
surgery, there needs to be some mending of those broken bits. The mending that
would make someone broken whole again, is what I find mind, body, and spiritual,
connection provides. That is why I'm writing the book I am working on.
Thank you Stephanie, a powerful piece of writing.
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